I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
