it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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