I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
