WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
