I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
