I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
