If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
