Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
