It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
