Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
