Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
