If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
