I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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