how can u be prego again
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
