so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
