I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
