She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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