i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
