dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
