The maid of honor just puked.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
