That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
