Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
