please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize