i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
