im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
