i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
