I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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