Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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