she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
