I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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