He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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