Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
17 year olds will be the death of me.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I need to align my fucking chakras
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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