god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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