If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Oh god it's open bar.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
