And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Randomize
