If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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