I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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