I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
They took my balls.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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