I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
