Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
