I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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