Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
