You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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