It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
