A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
