I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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