She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
