Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
