I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Randomize
