So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
