There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
