is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
