Apparently you make a good broom.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just gargled with NyQuil
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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