for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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