I understand Curling. That high.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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