last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
