Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
