Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Is Oprah even human
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
