You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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