If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
