if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
All I want is dick and wine.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
