i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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