you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
