do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
