yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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