there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
