I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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