If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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