Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
