Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
