I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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