a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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