oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
