I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
